Bender Says: Kiss My Shiny Metal Ass
Attempting compliance with the recent FTC guidelines that trample all over netizens while patronizing us all in the same document, this is my full disclosure, and it applies to any blogs I may maintain or other publishing and social media presence I may have, including but not limited to Facebook, Twitter, Shelfari, YouTube, Animoto, FTCkissesMyShinyMetalAss.com, Flickr, Google, my e-mail and any and all communications to and from me – smoke signals included.
Let me sum this up: Everything I do is sponsored. Every statement you see has been sponsored. Get over it.
Some examples: When I say “What a hot day”… Chances are Coke paid me. .. When I say “That burrito sure gave me the shits”, chances are Imodium gave me something and Charmin some toilet paper.
Unless otherwise explicitly specified, the following applies:
- Every third-party comment about me or my site has been compensated – probably with money you gave me.
- All reviews that I do have been paid for by sponsors.
- Every single post on my blog has been paid for by sponsors, even the ones classified as “bullshit”
- I pray every night that unseen forces cause you to click on my links and buy useless crap so I can get paid.
- Every link I ever post, anywhere, contains tracking redirects and lead to offers I get compensated for.
- Every third-party comment that I include in my communications has been either materially compensated for or is completely fabricated – in either case, it always represents atypical results that cannot be reproduced and shouldn’t be tried at home.
- Every e-mail, tweet, post or comment you address to me or my blog “are belong to me”. I promise to do my best to cash in on this, by selling the address, quoting you out of context, sending you irrelevant offers, blackmailing you or all of the above.
- When I wear something with a logo or slogan, I am being paid to wear it – either directly in the form of money or indirectly in the form of a transfer of goodwill between the brand and my person.
- Every Tweet or wall post I do has been paid for by a sponsor, and sometimes they are written by the sponsors themselves.
- All the software and services that make up this blog have been provided as compensation for promoting those same or other services or software.
- Sometimes I find money on the street and may keep it as compensation for walking.
- When I suggest a marketing technique or a way to analyze a problem, these have been sponsored and will invariably end up making money for me.
- As you are reading this, I am making money from you.
- If you’ve read this far, there’s something wrong with you. And I thank you for your patronage.
This disclosure has been kindly brought to you by Sponsored Tweets. Now click the Sponsored Tweets link and start making me some dough, slacker!
