Over two years since the last post to this blog. I’m back. So much has changed since June 15 2005, when I posted here last. I have also changed a great deal. This time change and growth came with great pain – They say growth is slow or none without pain; I do agree that significant events cause us to shift our outlooks quite a bit and so many things have happened in these past two years that it would be a insurmountable task to pen it down in a single stroke. I’m not sure that growth can only be accomplished with great pain, but that growth is the only viable option of enduring gross encounters with reality – The other options, the non-viable ones include perishing, going insane, and others which end up snuffing life literally. Anyway, many things took place, some of which looked good and some of which looked bad at the time – qualifiers that hinge on one’s perspective in time.
I left this blog when I realized the blog itself was a way for me to accomplish a couple of things, for one an outlet for some of my thoughts and constructive creativity – I can’t sit still – I just have to build things and push life forward. But I uprooted a dark-side purpose too deeply commingled: Deluding myself awesome. Too funny. I couldn’t keep blogging and refocus myself at the same time once I found this out. Its obviously not all out of me – I still think I’m awesome, but I won’t use some blog posts to reshape reality. Part of keeping myself in check means taking the teeth out of this.
I do want to revive this blog, but instead of writing for it, I’ll write to it. I will use it as a space to post some of the content that I create normally as part of my everyday life – I write at work, at graduate school, with friends, on my journal sometimes – or projects, an random things. I also have oodles of content I believed too important to post online, or things I considered private, or subjects I wouldn’t discuss. A lot has changed and dozens of my values and beliefs have shifted, changed or been rewritten with new ones – A big one is my level of transparency. I’ve come to believe there is nothing better than total transparency and radical honesty and this leaves little room for truth-mangling, selective editing or slanted writing. This shift into transparency is underlined by a large loss of simple fears (failure, rejection, etc. standard fare) and a detachment to peripheral values that I picked up along the way. It took two years to get this far and its a journey, not a destination – So lets see just how far I get.
I will start posting some content I created during these two years, and I will post-date it to the date it was created. I’m not sure how this blog can handle creation vs posting dates, but I guess I’ll find out. I may leave the post-dated entries simply post-dated.
Care to join me for the journey? They say its a rough ride, so might want to strap yourself in. Welcome aboard!
