The logo:

What my perverted mind sees:

The little experiment is still moving forward. I’m discovering a ton of things which I want to dump on my blog…

However, I can’t “do” normal blog posts. Its irritating. It always happens, I have flashes of inspiration or connect two and two together and want to write a quick quip about it, not a well-researched piece of SEO beauty – Forget Twitter – 140 characters is too short – Someone suggested Tumblr, which I tried a couple of times – Nice, but there’s not that much difference to just posting to my blog- which is exactly what I’ll do.

So here we go. We can call this a a move to a more short from blog.

If we should dance like no-one is watching… Should we write like no-one is reading?

Best reasons to subscribe to my feed…

1. Because I’ve used the word “because” – Research has proven that it works like a charm for small requests
2. Imagine getting automatic updates – Faster and easier than visiting my site – plus I’ve used one of the most powerful words in marketing, “imagine”… Your brain should be turning to jelly right about now…
3. Stop wasting time! Get updated only when there is new content – Since loss aversion is a stronger motivator than potential gains “Stop wasting time” is more powerful than “Get free time” or other positive spins. By this line your finger should be starting to twitch
4. Available only to a select few. Exclusivity at work. We value information that is exclusive much more than freely-available information.
5. We only have three slots left on our reader list and when its gone, its gone – registration automatically closes today at midnight, with spots filled or not! – Scarcity increases urgency! Not only are reader slots a scarce resource (yeah, right) but the opportunity goes away in a matter of hours, and it does so automatically – if this were a live event, it would be naturally believable, but most folks don’t question *why* an offer closes out – and when they do most marketers point to a need to keep the product to “the chosen few”, reinforcing exclusivity.
6. You can unsubscribe at any time - Risk reducer in action
7. Easier to organize your reading and research – not-so-unique selling point
8. Fact: People who read my blog have higher nerd-IQ.
9. It’s bandwidth-friendly. Saves lots of bytes! - Appeal to generation-Y readers. unfortunately if you’re generation X, you probably don’t really give a darn about recycling bits
10. We already have 15,997 subscribers! - Ah yes, the crown of influence techniques: Social proof. Eat shit, millions of flies can’t be wrong… Well, there’s a problem with the fly analogy – social proof only works when people perceive that the ‘others’ doing it are similar to them; Would that explain why people don’t eat shit no matter how many flies do?

When all else fails… Threats work, rarely and only for limited compliance. They work only if you are perceived as A) capable of carrying them out and B) either benefiting from executing on your threat or insane (defined as an agent that goes against its own interests). In my case, I plead insanity and a secret devotion to Dr. Strangelove.

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____________________________________________________

The Company Memo
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FROM:    Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO:        All Employees

DATE:    October 1, 2009

RE:      Gala Christmas Party

I’m happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks!  We’ll have a small band playing traditional carols… feel free to sing along.  And don’t be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM.  Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone’s pockets.  This gathering is only for employees!

Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!

Merry Christmas to you and your family,

Patty

____________________________________________________

FROM:    Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO:        All Employees

DATE:    October 2, 2009

RE:      Gala Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday’s memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.  We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year.  However, from now on, we’re calling it our “Holiday Party.”  The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians and to those still celebrating Reconciliation Day.  There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be sung.  We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.

Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you and your family,

Patty

____________________________________________________

FROM:  Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO:        All Employees

DATE:  October 3, 2009

RE:        Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, you didn’t sign your name.  I’m happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, “AA Only”, you wouldn’t be anonymous anymore.  How am I supposed to handle this?

Somebody?

And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and the executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.

REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

____________________________________________________

FROM:  Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

To:        All Employees

DATE:  October 4, 2009

RE:        Generic Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are!  I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours.  There goes the party!  Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees’ beliefs.  Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy.  Will that work?

Meanwhile, I’ve arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms.

Gays are allowed to sit with each other.  Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each group will have their own table.

Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men’s table.

To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks that no cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about confusion in the restrooms.  Sorry.

We will have booster seats for short people.

Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet.

I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in the food.  The Grill House suggests that people with high blood pressure taste a bite first.

There will be fresh “low sugar” fruits as dessert for diabetics, but the restaurant cannot supply “no sugar” desserts. Sorry!

Did I miss anything?!?!?

Patty

____________________________________________________

FROM:  Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO:        All F*%^ing Employees

DATE:    October  5, 2009

RE:        The F*%^ing Holiday Party

I’ve had it with you vegetarian pricks!!!  We’re going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the “grill of death,” as you so quaintly put it, and you’ll get your f*%^ing salad bar, including organic tomatoes.  But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too.  They scream when you slice them.  I’ve heard them scream.  I ‘m hearing them scream right NOW!

The rest of you f*%^ing wierdos can kiss my *ss.  I hope you all have a rotten holiday!

Drive drunk and die,

The B*tch from H*ll!!!

____________________________________________________

FROM:  Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director

DATE:  October 6, 2009

RE:        Patty Lewis and Holiday Party

I’m sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and I’ll continue to forward your cards to her.

In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23^rd off with full pay.

Happy Holidays!

Joan

It will soon be Black Friday in the US – That day after Thanksgiving when a big chunk of the population goes out en masse to buy shit they don’t really need, for not a whole lot less than any other day.

If you really feel you need a good deal, go online and skip the store. Most brick-and-mortar stores have equivalent online sales – and usually even better. My two favorites are Dealnews.com and bfads.com check them out. Dealnews is actually my year-round favorite. There’s also always overstock.com where I got some wicked deals on some English Laundry shirts.

With this kind of access to offers and zero crowds I don’t know why anyone reading this blog would go to a physical retailer. Any clues?

Update 11-30-09: Interesting data from the National Retail Federation mentioning that “more people spent less” – 195 Million shoppers this year, versus 172 million shoppers last year, with average spend per person down from $372 last year to $343 this year. What this translates to me as a consumer is: There’s no way in hell I’m going to partake in the Black Friday melee. Take a look at their report for a more complete break-down of the numbers “Black Friday Verdict: As Expected, Number of Shoppers Up, Average Spending Down“.